My social personality always skyrocketed with a belly full of alcohol…I was no longer the fear-based person I was just a half hour before. I never knew I could soar so high. It was the gift I’d been looking for since I was very young – acceptance and popularity oros.store
I didn’t seem to care that this was false courage – it just felt so totally good. Alcohol had become my best friend without me even knowing it
I certainly didn’t know that this fair weather friend would start to show signs of stress and distress – anger, anxiety, depression and turn against me big time after years of indulging me. I was unraveling and I felt lost now when I was 40. My sky was disappearing and there was no more room to fly.
If my parents were alcoholics they hid it very well. Although I remember vividly alcohol being in evidence if ever they wanted a good time – laughter and fun. There was none of that without alcohol. There were monthly dance parties for their group of friends and these events always had a two or three hour forerunner with plenty of booze. skywings
If the Saturday night dance parties were held at our house, the rug would be rolled up and the one-man band on the piano was fit and ready with a steady stream of drinks in front of him. My father could not keep up as bartender, so I would assist him. In time I was known as the kid who knew how to pour a really good highball as they were known in those days. What they didn’t know was that I took several sips while on bar duty in the kitchen.
These monthly and Saturday night parties were known as “a bash” (slang for a large, often lavish party). These types of “bashes” were the rage coming out of the depression and into a World War where many things were scarce, but not booze. affluentwords
These traditions continued for me as a teen and the early 20s. Those years were always difficult and I often felt I needed the assistance of alcohol to get through almost any event – fun or not. If anyone was opposed to this lifestyle then they were regarded as “kind of funny people.”
I also adopted the family philosophy that any good time should contain plenty of alcohol. It was a family trait and I was more than willing to accept my fate in life – after all, it was giving me the wings to fly.
I was in my fifties when the good times stopped rolling and the “bashes” became a headache. It was now time to DO SOMETHING – but what. Blogline
I finally did make my way into sobriety in the 12 Step rooms, but I also needed to re-parent myself in other types of 12 Step rooms. As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”